What I Wore in High School to Come Out to Myself First

Coming out to family and friends is huge!

But outside support isn’t as nearly as important as the support you’ll find within your own being.

The biggest challenge for me was to come out to myself first. And I did using color therapy.

In middle school, kids and adults noticed immediately that I was different. I walked with a feminine beat and spoke like a girl. Boys on the black top sneered at me for not choosing football. I spent most of my time hanging with the gals. I felt perfectly fine with less rough-housing and more intellectual pursuits. Home life was jarring as I was forced to conform to living a boy lifestyle. Short hair, bland colored shirts and the constant criticism over how much time I spent in my mother’s presence engendered my early teens.

There did come a time when I started accepting the harassment as truth. The name calling burned into my skin like leopard spots. I even vandalized my bedroom with the words “I am gay” because the constant labeling and bullying contorted my spirit.

The onslaught of pressure caused me to express myself boldly.

Angrily.

Denial is a very common defense mechanism for anyone struggling with self-identity and acceptance issues. We all want to be liked. To feel genuinely loved for just our existence but when we start noticing we are different in any capacity or act quirky compared to our kin or peers, then we start pulling the wool over our eyes and deny our own ability to express our natural self.  Shutting down your personal energy will only deepen resent and self-sabotage. Doing so, may lead to higher chances of being depressed especially in the LGBT population.

After I entered high school, I had a lot of spiritual growth  and personal development. I gained a better support system moving into a private boarding school for low income families. With equal opportunity being front and center, I focused on rewriting my life. Answering the deepest question, who am I? In my sophomore year, I purchased my infamous orange scarf at an art museum in Philly. My confidence soared and it awakened a part of me that felt safe in expressing my self-identity. Regardless of the school uniforms – I found a soulful loophole and the scarf was a major key to accepting my identity.

If you’re in a bind where your self-identity or awareness is being compromised, take to having some orange to bolster your resilience. Allow the color to reawaken your unique creative expression to yourself first and then to the beautiful world around you.

Looking for more color in your life? Grab my free color altar ebook (click here)

Pantone 2016 Color of the Year And What It Means for You (read more)

Discover Your Zodiac Sign Colors (read more)

About bernard charles

Bernard Charles is transforming thousands of unhappy people from around the world by adding more color and meaning to their life. His work has been featured in Soul & Spirit Magazine, Positively Positive and appeared on various radio programs discussing his mission to change 1 million people. Explore the power and meaning of color at www.thecolormage.com